Friday, July 16, 2010

Some movie critics should be jobless.

Before i begin this blog post, let me state that this is nothing more than a rant. I will be ranting for this entire post, and if you have a problem with that... then mosy on. Most of what I'm about to say will have no intellectual value. I just feel the need to rant for a little about something that is really grinding my gears. If any of this offends you, or your didn't like the movie INCEPTION, wander elsewhere on the interwebs please.

A visual representation of my frustration can be seen below:

Now, some might say 84%? What's so special about that? Why take the time to take a screen capture and put it in a blog? Well, I'll tell you why. This movie was worthy of 84% before the opening title's even began. If it were possible, this movie would be worthy of 110%. This movie is practically flawless, and any flaws that may be there if you were ever so scrupulous, only serve to make the movie seem better and more accessible. Never has there even been a more artfully done, suspenseful, accessible, and respectable summer blockbuster. I've seen a lot of movies, and this one is definitely one of the most flawless.

Now, while i understand that this may just be my opinion (which it is), and I could just as easily make the same argument about... say... The Nutty Professor, I still feel that I'm right. I also understand that you don't care what I think. Maybe you hate the movie. But let's take a look at another source where the score isn't calculated by crusty old pompus critics with no sense of self-respect. 

There, now that's more like it. Now, IMDb's rating system is severely flawed. It's actually pretty terrible. But i feel like in some ways it's a little bit better than rotten tomatoes. This isn't a rating compiled by some lemon-sucking chin-stroking pretentious never-make-my-own-art criticizers. This is a rating that consists of everyone who has seen the movie and taken the time to rate it. 

There are 5,123 votes there. I'd say, out of that... at-least 300 of them saw Twilight: Eclipse and liked it. So, you get those people in there. The people who don't usually like good movies (which is the only group that would like Twilight... a bit harsh? I think not). It's just more of a melting pot. Everyone can be ag critic on IMDb. 

Also, i just want to state that rottentomatoes has never done me wrong. Technically, it didn't here either. But, i just can't stand a website where some of these people's opinions actually mean something. Here, let me show you some examples.

Dear Mr. Steve Rhodes,
You are an insult to mankind. There were AT MOST three or four shooting scenes in the movie Inception. If you took all the material from the movie, and cut out all the part's that didn't involve shooting... you'd have a three minute long movie. It would be a giant load of crap. Like your review. 

Here are a few movies that Steve Rhodes gave a positive rating:
- The BlindSide
- Alien Trespass (got 33%)
- Confessions of a Shopaholic
- Yes Man

Another movie he gave a negative rating:
- The Dark Knight

Clearly, Steve Rhodes opinion is about as useful as a crap flavored lollipop. 
I hear The BlindSide is riveting on Blu-ray, go watch that and stay away from good movies.

Oh Gary. Gary Gary Gary. 
Maybe if you had a different face I'd go easy on you.
But unforunately, you don't. Maybe you need a different brain too. Because this movie was not confusing. It was progressively explained. The whole movie is explained by the end. Bit for Bit. Not a single plot-hole comes to mind. I'm very critical of plot-holes, and watched as hard as ever for them, but not a single one. Let's take a look at some movies that Gary Wolcott likes to watch on those lonely confusing nights.

Movies with a positive rating:
- The sorcerers apprentice
- Knight and Day
- Prince of Persia
- Shrek Forever After
- Letters to Juliet
- Date Night
- She's Out Of My League
- Robin Hood

Movies with a negative rating:
- Shutter Island
- The Road (he thinks it was too sad... poor guy)
- Where the wild things are

So, as you can see... this guy is in no position to give his opinion on a film. He liked ROBIN HOOD. If i were his boss, the second he came out with that review... I would tell him to pack his things. I can't stand to live in a world where a critic gave Robin Hood a better rating than Inception, and his opinion actually means something and is calculated into a (subjective and non-scientific) rating for the movie.

So yeah. Like i said. Just a rant. Maybe you liked Inception. Maybe you didn't. That's okay. To each his own. But i really feel like there are some movie critics that should immediately lose their job. I can't stand their need to come up with some clever little jokey way to say why they hated it. Take a piece of art and turn it into a vain little attention getter. Forget them.

Also, i want to clarify that if you liked some of these movies it's not a bad thing. I'm not busting on blind side. I haven't even seen it. It's just... for someone to say that Blind Side is a good movie and that Inception is not... that's where i have an issue.

Man, I feel better now. 

Images taken for and (both great sites)

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